Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters - Preposterous

Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters - Preposterous

The title's terrific and I'm sure this campy Grimm horror/action/comedy concept sounded better on paper, particularly with funnyman Will Ferrell and his collaborator Adam McKay as producers.

Bookmark and Share

Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters - Preposterous
(Paramount Pictures)

As the twisted fairy tale unfolds, young Hansel and Gretel are captured by a hideous witch after they've nibbled on her candy cottage. That's just the prologue, as now-adult Hansel (Jeremy Renner) explains. 15 years later, he and Gretel (Gemma Arterton) roam the Bavarian woods as wisecracking, revenge-seeking vigilantes, skillfully saving medieval towns from the wrath of prowling witches with their automatic cross-bows.

But now there's a Blood Moon, a kind of eclipse that makes witches impervious to fire. Led by the evil Sorceress Muriel (Famke Janssen), frenzied and ferociously empowered witches are snatching and imprisoning children from Augsburg for a black Sabbath sacrificial feast. The villagers are frantic, and bottles of milk have woodcut pictures of these missing kids on the labels. Just as Sheriff Berringer (Peter Stormare) organizes a witch hunt, Hansel and Gretel arrive on the scene, saving Mina (Pihla Vitala), who develops a yen for Hansel, while Gretel's stalked by Ben (Thomas Mann), who's read about her in newspapers. When she's unexpectedly saved by Edward (Derek Mears), a giant troll, Gretel learns long-kept secrets about her heritage.

Written and directed by Norwegian-born Tommy Wirkola, best known for his comic horror film "Dead Snow" (2009) about Nazi zombies, it's filled with ghouls, goblins and gutter-mouthed dialogue. In a perceptive moment, Wirkola makes Hansel diabetic, injecting himself with insulin to prevent "the sugar sickness" but that's never explored.

It's appalling to realize that Oscar-nominated Jeremy Renner went "The Hurt Locker" to this leather-clad, bottom-of-the barrel drivel. Filmed in the spring of 2011, before Renner did "Marvel's The Avengers" or "The Bourne Legacy," it's sat on the shelf long enough to get stale.

On the Granger Movie Gauge of 1 to 10, "Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters" is a preposterous, blood-splattering 3, not even worth the price of admission, let alone the added 3-D surcharge.

By Susan Granger, © 2013.



Latest Additions to AZR

COMMUNICATE TO MUTE THE DARK SIDE OF THE IMAGINATION

Communication is the glue that holds relationships together. So, the question is - Do you believe that you communicate often enough and in the right way to create and sustain positive relationships in all areas of your life? ...

GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY - SPACE FARING FUN

Marvel expands its cinematic clout to encompass another colorful franchise, encompassing a rag-tag team of intergalactic adventurers. Headed by Peter Quill, a.k.a. Star Lord (Chris Pratt), the quintet includes the green-skinned warrior Gamora (Zoe Saldana), vengeance-seeking Drax the Destroyer (WWW ...

REVIEW, LUCY

At the movie's conclusion, Lucy (Scarlett Johansson) states: "We've had life for a billion years. Now we know what to do with it." What does she think we should do with our lives? Presumably we should be able to stare at a gun and watch the bullets fall out harmlessly to the ground; look at a bun ...

REVIEW - A MOST WANTED MAN

A Most Wanted ManWhat is it like to be a spy? Some cynics say that it's a game indulged by its proponents; that our spies know their spies and vice versa, and the groups, however hostile their countries to each other, simply exchange information freely, thereby keeping their jobs. Others, less cyn ...

WITCHING & BITCHING (LAS BRUJAS DE ZUGARRAMURDI)

Witching and BitchingWhen Arthur Miller wrote "The Crucible," he presented us with a crackerjack story of actual events: the Salem Witch trials in which a relatively small number of people were burned at the stake, some after being outed by children. The play had no humor to speak of, it was deadly ...


View Local News Sources From 33,000+ Neighborhoods Nationwide!



Eg : Movie Review, Arizona, Fishing, etc.
Search results for

In Our Current Issue


Arizona Reporter on Twitter Follow to Arizona Reporter on Facebook Subscribe to Arizona Reporter on Yahoo News Arizona Reporter RSS Feed Subscribe to Arizona Reporter via Kindle!
View Local News Sources


Arizona Newswire

Latest Reviews
By Harvey Critic

HARVEY KARTEN
Member NYFCO

Arizona

Latest Reviews
By Susan Granger

Member NYFCO

James Mapes
Quantum Leap Thinking

An Owner's Guide to the Mind